Jan 19 Reflections

Yesterday was a bad day. Maybe it was “blue monday”. I didn’t know it was such a thing. I was restless at work, cranky, irritable and extremely impatient. Coincidentally, I also broke NF Sunday (the day before). Coincidence? No idea.

In any case, today is a much better day. Even though I MO last night, I woke up today not too tired, and feeling much more refreshed. Maybe because I hit the hay a lot earlier. Work was extremely productive for me and I accomplished a lot for my patients.

  1. Rash consult – contact rash. not drug induced.
  2. Phenytoin assessment – patient actually thanked me saying “its always good to see you”. I only saw him once. I guess I made a good impression!
  3. Tube site infection – made assessment and recommended septra + keflex
  4. Whole bunch of infections
  5. Pancytopenia assessment
  6. Daptomycin elevated CK assessment.

In all a good productive day.

I also took the time to dress nicely!

After work, I got a call from a friend asking for advice about her presentation. Now, I’m usually all about helping people the best I can, and I enjoy it. But sometimes, I just can’t stand pessimistic, negative people. Even after giving good advice – just excuse after excuse. It almost seems like she just wants to take the easy way out and is scared of adversity. In this case, there’s really nothing anyone can say or do to make her feel better. The pessimism isn’t coming from reality – its coming from her intrinsic character.

Man, I now realize how negativity in a person can really translate to other people. And I realized – I was just like that once. I used to see the glass as half empty. I’d point out all the flaws in every plan. I would worry and complain – fishing for comfort, encouragement and sympathy. In the end, I’d lose out on a lot of opportunities, or exaggerate a problem to much bigger than it is. No wonder I started to feel like my friends were abandoning me. They just couldn’t take my negativity. I probably couldn’t either.

Really trying to be positive. I still catch myself sometimes, rationalizing the negatives. Even just a off handed phrase like “I doubt that’ll ever happen”. It’s important to be realistic. But there must be a way to be realistic and optimistic at the same time.

I’m trying to find that balance.

On the other hand, I’m grateful my patients like me. I’m grateful that old friends reached out to me. I’m grateful I can stand taller now with better posture. I’m grateful to have a job and be alive today.



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